Today is the day you turn 4 years old.  It was this day, four years ago that you came into this world to change it forever.  It was the day that all of a sudden I went from thinking I had six more weeks of pregnacy and three baby showers to the world of c-sections, neonatal specialists and NICU.   And though it was the scariest thing I’ve ever been through, it was worth every second because you were on the other side of it all.

You were so small when you were born and you didn’t make noise like I had heard babies do in the movies.  I don’t think I took a breath myself until I finally heard a little gasp come out of you.  Your father and I saw you for just seconds and then you were in the careful care of nurses and doctors who knew what to do to make sure that you would be fine even with your early arrival. 

When you were born we weren’t exactly ready.  We didn’t have diapers yet – and certainly not for a preemie!  The car seat wasn’t out of the box, the curtains weren’t hung in the nursery and there was a stack of books that I was hoping to read to be as prepared as much as possible to be the best mom I could be….

And though your arrival wasn’t exactly how I planned, it was absolutely beautiful.  I learned a new level of complete trust in God knowing that you were His no matter what happened.  I learned a new appreciation for the nurses of NICU who not only were caring for you, but who also taught both of your grandmothers how to read the monitors since they’re both pros in adult medicine as nurses themselves.  And if there’s one thing I learned about NICU nurses at Palmetto Baptist Hospital here in Columbia, it was that though they’re doing the mechanics of medicine – they’re really doing the art of love and care as they constantly reassured me and your father through your time there.  They even made your father learn how to change diapers when you were hooked to a bunch of wires!

There was also one nurse who cared for me named Ramona whom I’ll never forget.  It was the day after you were born, early in the moring – and I was in the room all alone.  I hadn’t even held you yet and between my physical state and my emotional state – I wasn’t in a very happy place.  Ramona came in to do the routine stuff that nurses do, but then she stopped and asked if she could pray with me.  She prayed the simplest, yet most meaningful prayer – that I’d feel God’s love through all of this and that His glory would come through this ordeal.

You know what Gracie?  YOU are a reminder to me every day of God’s glory – of His greatness – of the fact that though things on earth aren’t always perfect- HE is and even through the curve balls life throws us, we can find joy because of His great love for us. 

You have already grown up so much in just four years.  Already I want to hold you and hug you and hide you from some of the things on this earth.  I don’t want you to ever have your feelings hurt and I never want your heart to be broken.  I never want you to hurt or cry or hate.  But I also know that as your mother I can’t control you or the world that you’re in.  And once more God is using you to teach me to trust Him. 

Every night when I tuck you in I pray for the 3 “S” words – salvation, safety and your spouse…  all things I can’t control – but God can!   And I’m trusting Him to do it.   Trusting that though I still have a lot to learn in the motherhood department, He’s watching over you as His very own child.

You are a gift  and a blessing.  Already you’ve taught me to rediscover the beauty of butterlifes and the joy of flying down a waterslide.  You’re reminded me of some of my favorite childhood stories and that it’s okay to dress like a princess just because you can.  You’re taught me that every now and then it’s okay to start supper with dessert and that one can live on chicken nuggets alone. 

In four years you’ve taught me more than I thought I could ever learn and I thank God for you every day.  You are a reflection of His joy and I am blessed.

Happy Birthday Gracie!  I love you!!

Mom